How To Stop Judging People: 5 Thoughtful Tips
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Have you ever caught yourself in the act of judging other people?
I know I have…
I once spent a whole hour on the phone with one of my best friends only to hang up and realize that we had spent the entire conversation gossiping…
Afterward, I felt terrible!
It hadn’t been intentional at all…
And nothing said was truly meant, but regardless…
I knew I didn’t want to be that kind of person.
From that day forward, I made the decision to cultivate my mind with love and understanding.
If you have ever found yourself judging others, the first thing you should know is that you are not alone.
We all judge from time to time.
The good thing is that you’re conscious of it and you are wanting to grow.
I want to applaud you for taking such a positive step forward.
The fact that you are even reading this article goes to show that you have a powerful moral compass and that’s something to be proud of!
Today you will learn my 5 thoughtful tips to stop judging people…
The tips themselves are essentially small tweaks that you can make in your everyday life to cultivate more love, understanding, and acceptance.
Anybody can do this!
But I’m getting ahead of myself…
First, it’s important that we really dive into judgment itself to gain some understanding of…
The reasons why we judge…
And why it’s so important to break the habit!
Let’s quickly run through the basics and we will come back to the solution in just a moment.
Why We Judge…
In the early evolution of the human race, good judgment was essential for survival!
You had to know if a person could be trusted (sometimes as a matter of life and death).
Today, we are much more civilized in the way we interact with one another.
But with that being said, it’s not always a bad thing to discern whether or not someone seems untrustworthy or dangerous…
In fact, sometimes it’s more of an intuitive feeling you pick up on rather than ‘judgment’ itself.
The two are quite similar and it pays to be aware of that.
You don’t want to push away your intuitive ‘knowing’ for fear of being judgemental.
Being able to discern what’s good for you and what’s not is really important.
What’s more, being judgemental is not inherently a “bad thing”.
It’s the attachment to negative judgment that is harmful.
- Stewing over the way people are to the point where it’s lowering your vibe and leaving you feeling dark or angry…
- Being addicted to judging people…
- Judging on autopilot (having no control over it.)
This way of being is always ego/fear-driven.
You see, somewhere along the lines of our human development, the ego went rampant…
Our main fears became less physical and more emotional/social…
It’s in this fear-based mindset where the judgment of others is most prominent.
So if you’re finding yourself having more negative thoughts about others than usual, fear is almost always the culprit.
Here are some fears that might be at the root of it all:
- Fear of difference or diversity (judging appearance, culture, race, religion etc).
- Fear of losing what makes you “unique” (judging actions that mimic your own).
- Fear of loneliness (judging relationships).
- Fear of poverty (judging financial status).
- Fear of not being accepted (judging level of confidence).
- Fear of being wrong (judging opinions, views, beliefs, values, etc).
- Insecurity in your “identity” (judging actions that oppose your own).
Now you may notice that I put quotation marks on words such as “identity” and “unique”.
The reason for this is that those are ego concepts.
Through the ego, you create a set of standards, beliefs, and values that help you to define what you are and where you fit in.
At its core, judgment only occurs when the ego feels that the “identity” is being threatened.
And acceptance comes when you can see through the ego’s veil, as well as the veils worn by others.
Because the truth is that we are all just expressions of love and joy wearing veils and masks as a means to experience the world around us.
Why It’s Important To Stop Judging People…
Okay so by now you have probably grasped that judgment is a natural function of the human psyche when used consciously…
And for this reason, you are probably not going to break the habit entirely…
However, it is important to cultivate the mind toward less judgment in general in order to keep the ego from spiraling into unnecessary negative thoughts about others.
Because the fact is that if it’s not necessary (like in a survival situation), it’s doing more harm than good.
Here are some reasons why it’s important to curb your judging habit:
- It’s a huge time waster.
- You end up hurting others.
- It lowers your vibration.
- Judgment is a breeding ground for negative thoughts.
- It manifests lack through its core vibration (fear).
- Judgment comes from a place of complaint (the opposite of gratitude).
How To Stop Judging People:
1.) Find The Root Cause of Your Judgement
The first step to curbing your judging habit is to first find the root cause behind it.
Next time you are in a situation where you catch yourself thinking judgemental thoughts about others, ask yourself…
How is this person reflecting my own fears about myself?
Say you order food in a restaurant and the waiter gets your order wrong.
Your judgment might be that they are stupid, or that they don’t pay attention well enough…
You might even think that they should not be in the job at all.
Now, say you catch yourself making these judgments and you stop to ask yourself the question…
How is this judgment reflecting my own fears about myself?
Here are some examples of what your answers to this question might look like:
“I’m worried that I might not like this food.”
“I now have to face a confrontation with the waiter”
“It will waste my time having to re-order.”
“Perhaps I didn’t speak clearly enough.”
All of these answers are based on fear!
Once you can see the root of your judgments it becomes clear that the negative feelings are actually an issue within yourself (not the other person)
The only reaction you have control over is your own.
And if your reaction is annoyance toward someone else, it’s likely you have some inner work to do.
Seeing your own fears and weaknesses will also help you to be more understanding of the other person (in this case, the waiter).
By getting to the bottom of your judgment you will understand both yourself and the other person a little better.
2.) Cultivate a Positive Mindset:
Becoming a more loving and accepting person always starts with cultivating a positive mindset.
You see, your mind is like a garden.
When you plant seeds of positivity and nurture them with continued support, they grow into magnificent flowers and the results quickly manifest into your reality.
But like any beautiful garden, it’s important to rid yourself of ‘weeds’ before they get out of hand and smother all that you’ve worked so hard to grow.
Your bias opinions and negative thoughts are the weeds…
And to pull them you must recognize when they arise and replace them with thoughts of love and acceptance.
This may seem tricky at first but as time goes on it will become easier and judgments will arise less frequently.
Most importantly, cultivating your mind is not about shedding criticisms of others only to turn around and criticize yourself for being judgemental.
Remember that we all pass judgment from time to time and the fact that you are willing to work on this habit shows huge strength of character.
Cultivate your mindset by feeding it with positivity and letting go of thoughts that do not serve you.
3.) Steer Clear of Judgemental Influences.
When it comes to judging others, outside influences can be a huge problem!
Have you ever gone to visit a friend and run out of things to talk about only to find a few minutes later…
Either you or your friend has caved to the temptation of gossip?
Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.
In saying that, there are certainly people who are more judgemental than others.
Think about your relationships with friends and family…
Think about the topics you usually engage in together.
Are your conversations uplifting?
Are they kind?
Do they fill you with positivity and fresh perspectives?
Or are your conversations more aimed toward other people.
Judgemental people are usually very good at bringing out the judgmental in others too.
For this reason, it is important to steer clear of those whose conversations revolve around negative judgment.
These kinds of conversations will only pull you into a low vibration.
4.) Be The One To Call It Out.
A person who speaks their truth is a person who changes the world.
If you are in a situation where negative judgments are being shared, be the one to address the issue!
Now, I am not saying that you should be confrontational or contradict your feelings by judging those who judge.
But I am saying that you should stand proud on the side of acceptance and understanding.
The best way to call out a judgemental conversation is to approach it from within…
Because the truth is that you are responsible for everything within your reality.
Calling out judgment is not about passing blame.
Even if you weren’t the one to make the comment.
Passing blame is never helpful to anyone
In fact, those who receive blame are actually more likely to feel backed into a corner and therefore have to self defend their stance…
When you take responsibility, you give others room to see your perspective without feeling attacked.
Next time you’re in a situation where judgemental comments are being made, call it out by saying something like…
“Maybe we should be more understanding.”
“Perhaps we are not seeing the full picture.”
“I feel we are being unfair.”
“We shouldn’t be so quick to judge.”
And see if you can shut down the conversation that way.
Remember, anything that takes place in your reality is your responsibility.
5.) Find Appreciation Within Difference
This is probably the most important point in this article.
Personally, I feel that this perspective alone triggered a huge epiphany for me…
Not that I didn’t already appreciate diversity but by changing the way I thought about difference, my level of appreciation has definitely expanded.
And in the process, I have become a lot less judgemental.
You see, we all come into this world the same… and yet so different.
Each and every one of us is unique from conception and the experiences that shape us only enhance that difference more.
Even a set of identical twins would know the womb differently…
And their relationships, experiences, and perceptions will be unique to them…
Recognize that we are all different.
And that is what makes life so beautiful!
That is what expands us as human beings!
We get to have all of these interactions with other humans and each time we do, we learn and we grow.
If we were all the same…
If we all shared the same appearance, views, values, and beliefs, there would be no growth what so ever.
We are not all supposed to be subscribed to the same set of standards.
Learning to be less judgemental is not about ignoring differences and diversity…
It’s about celebrating it!
Acknowledge those who seem different to you and be grateful for their presence in your reality!
What a wonderful world it is to be filled with so much diversity and therefore so much opportunity for understanding, love, growth, and expansion.
Before I finish this article I wanted to give one more piece of advice and that is…
If you want to stop judging people the first thing you must do is stop judging yourself!!
All judgment stems from self-judgment.
You are only human as is everyone else.
Be kind to yourself first and the rest will follow.
“Be curious, not judgemental.” – Walt Whitman